Separation anxiety is universal and normal for both children and their parents. Such behaviors, while disturbing to adults, are a sign that the child is reaching an important developmental milestone. For many parents, it is hard to suddenly realize that the child’s world is quickly expanding beyond the home and family. Sometimes strong feelings associated with goodbyes can remind adults of painful farewells in their lives.

In addition, separation anxiety can be exaggerated for children who are experiencing other stresses in their life such as: moving, a new child care situation, the arrival of a new sibling, or relationship problems between the parents.

It is important to remember that the child is working through a stage where she is struggling between feelings of striking out on her own and yet wanting to stay safe by your side. Children react differently to separation. Some children may be upset for a day, others for several weeks. One child may cry for only a few minutes; another child may cry all day.

• The child will feel better if you are understanding but positive about the separation. When it is time to leave, you should do so without hesitating but also without “sneaking” away.
• Prepare your child before the separation occurs by reassuring him that you will return. Let her know when you will be back. Because young children cannot yet understand time, they do not know when or even if you will ever come back. Use concepts that he can understand such as “I’ll be back after you have a rest”. Be sure to stick to that time or call if there is an emergency or something that will delay your return.
• Take the anxiety seriously and react with understanding, patience, and confidence (I know you don’t want me to leave, but I will be back after lunch”) instead of by teasing (“oh you’re so silly crying like that”) or annoyance (“You make me feel so mad when you cry like that!”)
• Stay calm, matter-of-fact and, sympathetic. “I know you are upset that I have to go”
• Don’t sneak away from your child. While this is tempting, it will lead the child to be more resistant the next time.
• Try to keep your own anxieties under control. If your child senses or sees your distress at leaving that will tell him that there must be something wrong.

Please talk with us daily so you can share news about how the adjustment is going. And please feel free to call to find out how your child is doing at 462-KIDS (5437). Each classroom has a voice mail box: Classroom 1 ext 12, Classroom 2 ext 13, Pre K/Classroom 3 ext 14. Or, you may call the parent line at 421-0745.